Say Hello to Rupert Richard

Welcome to the world Rupert Richard! You weren't the easiest baby to carry and you've certainly not been the easiest little one since being outside, though that's no fault of your own (more on that to follow). My first birth experience was quite traumatic- birthing a back to back baby that needed an episiotomy and forceps wasn't pleasant but despite my bad experience with Iris I was fully prepared to try a vaginal birth with Rupert but his positioning led to other plans and a C section was booked for a Tuesday when I was 39+4 but as we all know birthing babies rarely goes to plan...

My 2nd Pregnancy - 0-20 Weeks

They say that no two pregnancies are the same and my second pregnancy has certainly proven this to be true. This is actually the fourth time I've been pregnant but due to early miscarriages this is only the second time I've made it to the second trimester. This pregnancy has been a real eye opener- if this had been my first pregnancy, it would also have been my last. It has been horrific.

Autism and School Holidays

I've always hated half term. As a pupil I hated having a break from school despite it being a break from the bullying and the intense anxiety it was also a break from schoolwork, homework and structure. I found schoolwork and homework incredibly soothing. Having something to work on helped me channel my energy into something productive and it helped distract me from my anxious thoughts. When I'm working on something I commit to it so fully that I become oblivious to the outside world, even forgetting to eat and drink. When half term would come around I'd do any homework immediately and then be stuck with just me, myself and my thoughts for the remainder of the holidays. 

A Day In The Life Of An Autistic Woman

Initially this post was about the pandemic and how having autism has impacted on my experiences throughout the pandemic but as I began writing I realised that I can't really detail how the pandemic has affected me if you don't already know how my autism effects me. I've written a bit about how I got my autism diagnosis, shared my experiences growing up undiagnosed in a mainstream school and I've talked about how autism impacts on dating and holidays but I've never really shared how it impacts me on a daily basis. I've never shared an 'ordinary' day with autism. So here it is, the thoughts, feelings and emotions of an autistic mother on a 'normal' day. 

Autism & Relationships: How Autism Impacts On Dating

So Valentines Day, there's no escaping it, even if you don't actively partake in it there's hearts, flowers and declarations of love everywhere you go. I thought about all the posts I could write, the gift guides, the 'how to's' and the 'top ten romantic...' which are all great ideas but they felt a little dishonest, how can I talk about those things when I haven't acknowledged the thing Valentines Day is mostly about, relationships, or more specifically romantic relationships. Having Aspergers effects all aspects of every relationship I have but today I've decided to open up about how having Aspergers effects dating.

Undiagnosed Autism and Mainstream School | My Experience

 The days are long but the years are short- the most significant parenting quote i've ever read. I vividly remember thinking "I can't wait for Iris to start nursery, only a few more years to go". Being at home with young babies and toddlers is immensely hard work. To me it felt like my entire existence was being swallowed by a teeny tiny, snack monster. Constantly on demand, constantly needing to be aware and constantly being 'switched on'. It all felt so constant. So unending. Now nursery isn't a few years away, it's now and I'm not ready. It isn't because Iris isn't ready, she's been ready for months, she's been craving the structure and mental stimulation that only a learning environment can give and it certainly isn't because I'm not ready for the break- I am chomping at the bit to get some time back to re-discover myself and give myself the opportunity to work, exercise and be creative again. The reason I'm not ready for Iris to start nursery is because I'm not ready to deal with what 'school' means to me. I'm not emotionally ready to send her into the system that destroyed me.

How Autism Impacts On Holidays

Holidays- whether they be long, lazy days relaxing in the sun or exhilarating explorations of foreign lands, they are sure to be enjoyed- aren't they?

A holiday for some is a welcome break from normality and routine. For me a break from routine is akin to torture. I cannot fully explain to those who don't adhere to routine as strictly as I do how much it pains me to stray from my everyday habits. I need my daily rituals to survive and a holiday is just one long stream of exhaustion. Spontaneity is my arch nemesis and that makes holidaying, especially with other people, extremely difficult.

How I Got Diagnosed With Aspergers Syndrome

I was 11 years old when I first remember not being able to get out of the door. I physically couldn't bring myself to leave the safe environment I had built at home. The comforting predictability of my bedroom. Of course, at this time I didn't know it was the comfort of routine and predictability that I craved, all I knew, and all I could tell a therapist was that I couldn't get out the door.

Autistic & Pregnant: What To Expect At A Booking Appointment

A booking appointment is usually your first contact with your midwife. It involves 'booking' you into the system and collecting a wide variety of health and lifestyle information from you and your partner. You are also required to submit a urine sample and blood samples will be taken. 

Autistic & Pregnant: Should I Take Anti-depressants During Pregnancy?

I'm not writing this post to cause controversy and I know that some people will not agree with the decision I made but for many people with a wide variety of health conditions it's a decision that needs to be made. As explained by my doctor, a lot of medication is not tested on pregnant women purely because of the ethics involved and because of that it's very difficult for medical professionals to know which medication is safe. Tests are performed on pregnant animals, something which doesn't sit well with me but I do understand the need for it. So often the best a doctor can tell you is how the medication affects animal foetuses and then it's down to you to decide if it's a risk worth taking.

Autistic & Pregnant: Finding Out I Was Pregnant

I have been pregnant twice. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. My second pregnancy has so far been successful. On both occasions the baby was very much planned and I was expecting a positive test, though that didn't prevent me from being surprised, shocked and a little fearful.

Autistic & Pregnant: What To Do When You Find Out You Are Pregnant

Congratulations! You're pregnant!

and if you are feeling anything like I was then you are feeling a whole lot of emotions varying from immense happiness to crushing self-doubt. In those first few days after seeing those two blue lines my emotions went crazy. Yes, some people will say that's the hormones but it's also the realisation that your whole life is about to change and no matter how prepared you are, change is scary for everyone but especially those with autism. Don't feel guilty or shy away from your emotions. Accept your emotions and remember that there is no 'right way' to process this information and if you feel able to why not open up and share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. The chances are they are feeling the same wild mix of emotions too.